I was informed by my darling granddaughter Reese that some of the children in her pre-school class use bathroom words. Oh, the humanity! I am grateful for her sensitivity to social graces and I am inspired to take up the cause of euphemisms.
There are things that we humanoids have either the need or desire to discuss that without euphemisms will cause us to use “bathroom words”, and Reese obviously disapproves. We should honor her lead. Ben Franklin once wrote an impressive piece on flatulence. http://unclestinky.wordpress.com/2008/01/04/ben-franklin-on-flatulence/ The release of humanly generated methane is a social experience common to us all that is worthy of a good moniker. Mrs. Carr, my diminutive fourth grade teacher had the occupational challenge of about 35 children who every Friday’s were fed pinto beans and cornbread for lunch. The afternoons were often aromatic and often accompanied by bodily orchestration. Mrs. Carr would encourage her minions to try to control the “gas escapes”, clearly a superior choice to bathroom words.
My son-in-law and 
number two granddaughter, upon hearing the sound of organic thunder say, “Dragon” or “gragn” depending on the speaker, another excellent choice. The spousal unit, in her bible school days, informs me that “tiger” was the method of warning others of the dreaded “silent but deadly”—we all know that one and would appreciate the advance recon.
While these proclamations are useful, they do not pass the test of a euphemism for the act. They merely are reporting the occurrence. Proper society needs a noun sufficiently graceful to describe flatulation (with fewer syllables, of course) and yet fail the Reese test for bathroom words. So I implore you, dear readers (now there is a faith statement if I ever wrote one) to give me your best suggestions, or actual euphemisms in use for the word that will pass Reese’s muster without saying F*#t. It is a new decade and we could use an expressive new word, in my opinion. And as much as my base, shall we even say crude, inclinations prefer to use--bathroom words--I yield to the reality that the walls that surround me have big ears and long memories.
